Suicidal Void (suicidalvoid) wrote,
Suicidal Void
suicidalvoid

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Ketamine Experiment #13 Injected 2.5 ccs

The END?
For this one, I had mucho anticipation. It’s the last of the vial, no more K, it’s the last time I may ever do it (unlikely) but for now I can get on with my life, I can sleep at night knowing the temptation is not there. Using my larger stereo, I hooked it up, this time with the subwoofer, I’m sure the neighbors appreciated the droning. 12am. Injection, a prick and 15 seconds later its all in my muscle. (I found my bottom to be the least painful). The leg was a little more painful, and I remember hearing it has so many fucking veins, you really wouldn’t want to hit one. If you hit a vein I hear - your out with a syringe hanging off you. Not a good way to wake up.
K is for Knowledge
The K eases its way over me. I’m in a different room, different bed. The room is crimson red. My body begins to bend to stretch in impossible volumes and I see gods. Not one, but many, they are all around me, beacons of light I choose to fly to to teleport to but never quite reaching. The entity is strong in this one. I experience a maelstrom of friends. I saw all of their faces. An F-hole. I had an overwhelming appreciation for them and realized how fucking cool they are - how unique each one is and how great it is to know them. Sounds sentimental, (probably is), but each face passed through my head, each person, but especially this special girl, not the special ed kind, but one I grow obsessed with, oh how I miss her. She came back over and over, how fucking weird I see real memories mixed in with k ghosts. I call her the Queen of the Blind Squid. I was pulled through some tunnels, the normal K behavior, the queen of the circulating library quietly whispered in the back ground. I should start a religion on her.
She informed my card has expired.
I told her god was in the needle.
I’m not sure she understood.
I pull out, so much better than the last trip and another lifetime of experiences crammed into 1 hour. Experiences I feel will be hard to remember for the human brain has a switch to not remember. Its too bizarre, its too disconnected, the brain tells us that it isn’t safe to remember these inter-dimensional explorations. Its hard to relate to them having an EGO. If one sheds the ego, maybe, but we put so much importance in ourselves. I watched Brothers Quay through the groggy after effects and for once in my life I was so into being alive and living in the now.

Note to self - use the vials, the syringes, razor blades, to make a painting called god is in the needle. I’m such a junkie.

Note to others - This last trip to K land occurred a long time ago. How long we do not know, but the fact is I used it when I wanted to, planned it out and (heh) used responsibly like one would when taking a journey or traveling to another country (dimension).
K is HIGHLY PSYCHOLOGICALLY ADDICTIVE.
Its not like acid, shrooms or many others. In fact I think about it more often then all drugs (next to alcohol). I will do it again, but I will use it a tool to remind myself that it is indeed possible to shut your reality off and instantly feel like everything is right, correct, free, fun….as to say there is a paradise. Telling anyone of your K experience makes many believe you are ‘psychotic’, ‘insane’ , ‘schizophrenic’. None of these are true, for I’m just as insane as when I went in. It is literally impossible to explain events so strange, so bizarre, yet so full of TRUTH, it sometimes seems meaningless as I read back through these journals. I have a heightened spirituality (I still believe in no established god or religion). I know what one person could assume would be God. At times I felt it may be, but reminded quickly NO GOD has any influence on me. And that any human could become a GOD (in the Nietzsche sense). I also feel less materialistic. I don’t want stuff. In fact I feel like ebaying much of it away. I just want books and knowledge and experiences of every nature. Things pull you down, they entrap you like a relationship. There is no freedom in owning. - I could go on for hours on this but the fact is, one bad trip was worth the 12 amazing ones. But sometimes experimentation leads to bad results. It is the nature of experimentation.
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