Suicidal Void (suicidalvoid) wrote,
Suicidal Void
suicidalvoid

Ketamine Experiment #12 Injected 2.3 ccs

This was fucked up. The first bad experience on K. My fault really, the music I had in was the cheesy near death experience I haven’t listened to since on acid in 1990. The machine itself it’s a bit annoying, flashing red lights, droning over the music and quite un-relaxing. So going into it was great. It was actually very NDE for I was flying through tunnels of ice, of fire and it was rather intense. Yet the glasses gave a pressure on my head that while on K, felt like my face was liquid and the only thing still was the glasses. So my face literally felt like it was being pulled away like goo or plastic man. At least I know what if fells like to have a face of rubber. This alone was worth the horrors that ended it.
So the tape ends before I’m done. 20 minutes. I believed it would loop. Try to change a cassette, cd, or ANYTHING technical on K and it will seem like brain surgery. You just don’t understand anything in reality. Everything has a new life a new meaning. In short I was pitched into silence and the glasses kept flashing. It became annoying than nauseous. K already gives you a feeling of being on a boat – that’s why some people throw up, but this was too much. I took them off and thought I was done. I was agitated and was so far from being relaxed. I stood up, each step across my bedroom was a decade. Then I broke down, started crying. Questioned myself what the fuck I was doing injecting animal tranquilizers in my ass. I wanted to call somebody, anybody to cry for help. Yet I probably couldn’t say a word. The timemachine was still in effect. I could only hope it would return me to the same time, the same place, the same body as I was in before.
It’s a turning point in most people must have in drug use. It’s a warning that its not going to get better. Your killing yourself.
I want to stop K, but K doesn’t want to stop me. Its vial beckons me when I sleep. I do have control, but I know I will do it again. Its like being told there is a gateway to heaven in your top drawer and telling yourself you won’t open it. Pandora’s box. I was always one to seek pleasure. And I always will.
So once the K wore off, I reconsidered a few things. One that – even though this trip was one of the worst experiences I ever had, it was also the only time I experimented with doing it differently. Sometimes experiments backfire or burn down your meth lab. But sometimes you come up with something better. I must accept this and move on.
Second I have only enough for one more dose. The magickal 13. It will end this affair. I will leave her an empty vessel, like a vampire I have returned to her , draining her life-force. I will leave her like the rest of the vials. Empty. And in the end I will always seek more.
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